TRANSLATION PLEASE. . .

 

Hi, all, Donnell here! Today it’s my privilege to host my friend and fellow Get Lost in a Story blogger Susan M. Boyer whose book Lowcountry Boil is making people take notice.  One a 2012 Golden Heart finalist and two, first place in MAINSTREAM for the 2012 Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery/Suspense.  Susan signed with Henery Press and look at what reviewers are saying….

“Plenty of secrets, long-simmering feuds, and greedy ventures make for a captivating read…Boyer’s chick lit PI debut charmingly showcases South Carolina island culture.” — Library Journal

“Lowcountry Boil offered an intriguing mystery and a unresolved romance which should keep enthusiasts of both genres happy and eager to read the next book in the series.... The book was a page turner full of southern charm. I gobbled it up quickly and I can’t wait to read the sequel. Five stars out of five.”  —  Lynn Farris, National Mystery Review Examiner at Examiner.com

“Imaginative, empathetic, genuine, and fun, Lowcountry Boil is a lowcountry delight.” —  Carolyn Hart, author of WHAT THE CAT SAW (October 2013)

“I love this book. And you will too. Witty, droll, clever—and just a tad quirky!—this light-hearted and authentically southern mystery is full of heart, insight, and a deep understanding of human nature. Susan M. Boyer is a fresh new voice in crime fiction!” — Hank Phillippi Ryan Anthony, Agatha, and Macavity winning author/THE OTHER WOMAN

 

DONNELL AGAIN.  . .Now for those who know me, I was born in Texas, but transplanted to New Mexico and ended up in Colorado.  So my Texas regionalisms got hopelessly lost in the Four Corners Area.  So when I need someone to talk Southern to me, I know exactly where to go.  I mean, Susan Boyer is Southern down to her shoelaces.  So with that in mind, I thought I’d have a little fun with her today and ask her to explain Southernisms.

 

TRUE OR FALSE:  It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

SUSAN M. BOYER:  This is true. I’ve called it a buggy my whole life—still do most of the time. This actually has its origins in British English. It derived from horse and buggy. But if someone who is Nouveau Southern refers to it as a shopping cart, we do know what they’re talking about.

TRUE OR FALSE”  "Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).

SUSAN M. BOYER:  False. This is two words—“fixin’ to,” or as those overly fond of the letter ‘g’ might insist, “fixing to.” This simply means one is preparing to do something, and studying it carefully beforehand as opposed to rushing right on into things.   

TRUE OR FALSE:  Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

SUSAN M. BOYER:  Well now, first off, no one I know calls it Sweet Tea—everyone here knows the tea is sweet unless you ask for unsweetened. As for it being appropriate for all meals, that’s certainly true, but one does have options. I mean, it’s not a requirement or anything. I couldn’t start my day without strong coffee, but my mamma has iced tea every morning. Some folks will give a baby younger than two a bottle with tea, but I personally wouldn’t recommend it.

TRUE OR FALSE:  "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

SUSAN M. BOYER:  Yes, this is Southern shorthand, usually followed by “yet,” as in, “Jeet yet?” 

TRUE OR FALSE:  Shut my mouth means to be quiet.

SUSAN BOYER:  No, this is an expression of surprise, indicating that the person is shocked speechless.

TRUE OR FALSE:  Gone back on your raisin’ means to leave the raisins out of your cookie mix.

SUSAN M. BOYER:  Umm…no. False. Saying that someone is “going back on their raisin’ (raising)” simply means that his parents taught him to behave better than his current actions would seem to indicate.

TRUE OR FALSE:  Bless Your Heart is a compliment.

SUSAN M. BOYER:  “Bless your heart” is the most misunderstood Southernism in the whole wide world. The phrase has many meanings, and it’s all about context.

It often is a genuine expression of sympathy, as in “I heard about your mamma. I’m so sorry—bless your heart. I’ll bring a casserole by this afternoon.”

Sometimes “bless your heart” is delivered with a hug to convey empathy, like when a friend’s hair color doesn’t quite turn out.

It can mean a humorous indulgence of an eccentric friend or relative when he does something that clearly illustrates his lack of the sense God granted a Billy goat, but we all still love him anyway. Example: “Poor ole Bubba. Wonder what he expected to happen when he bit the head off that fish, bless his heart.”

On the other hand, it can mean something entirely different. Most Southerners are pathologically polite. When our patience is tested, and we are sorely tempted to say something of which our mammas purely would not approve, we say something else, and tack, “bless her heart” onto the end of it.

This accomplishes two things: we communicate to our friends what we are really thinking, and we feel better having vented the ugly thought without disgracing our mammas by going back on our raisin’. Example: If Mary Beth, a former girlfriend, shows up at a football game with your ex-boyfriend, with whom everyone and their cousin knows you are still in love, you might say to your friends, “That shade of hair surely does match Mary Beth’s lipstick, bless her heart.”

DONNELL:  Oh my gosh, this is hysterical.  Thank you for translating for me, Susan.  I refuse to give up my Texas drawl in total, and I still say ya’ll, but I know I’ve lost the heart and soul of Southernisms so, I deeply appreciate your explanations….

Susan: I have a question for all y’all: Wherever you call home, are there certain regional sayings that newcomers might not immediately understand—things that you only understand if you are “from here?”

Leave your answer as a comment and be sure to include your email address. We’re giving away one copy of Lowcountry Boil in a random drawing from all commenters from yesterday’s Get Lost in a Story post and today’s.

Note: Offer void where prohibited. Prizes will be mailed to North America addresses only unless specifically mentioned in the post. Odds of winning vary due to the number of entrants. Winners of drawings are responsible for checking this site in a timely manner. If prizes are not claimed in a timely manner, the author may not have a prize available. Get Lost In A Story cannot be responsible for an author's failure to mail the listed prize. GLIAS does not automatically pass email addresses to guest authors unless the commenter publicly posts their email address.

Y’all come see me when you can. I hang out in all the usual places on the web:

  Website     Facebook    Twitter     Goodreads

    Fiction Addiction       Amazon         B&N

 

Meet Liz Talbot

LOWCOUNTRY BOIL

A Liz Talbot Mystery

 

Henery Press

ISBN: 978-1-938383-04-5
ebook: 978-1-938383-05-2 

Private Investigator Liz Talbot is a modern Southern belle: she blesses hearts and takes names. She carries her Sig 9 in her Kate Spade handbag, and her golden retriever, Rhett, rides shotgun in her hybrid Escape. When her grandmother is murdered, Liz high-tails it back to her South Carolina island home to find the killer. She’s fit to be tied when her police-chief brother shuts her out of the investigation, so she opens her own. Then her long-dead best friend pops in and things really get complicated. When more folks start turning up dead in this small seaside town, Liz must use more than just her wits and charm to keep her family safe, chase down clues from the hereafter, and catch a psychopath before he catches her.

 

 

A LITTLE ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Susan M. Boyer has been making up stories her whole life. She tags along with her husband on business trips whenever she can because hotels are great places to write: fresh coffee all day and cookies at 4 p.m. They have a home in Greenville, SC, which they occasionally visit. Susan’s short fiction has appeared in moonShine Review, Spinetingler Magazine, Relief Journal, The Petigru Review, and Catfish Stew. Her debut novel, LOWCOUNTRY BOIL, is a 2012 RWA Golden Heart® finalist and a 2012 Daphne du Maurier award recipient.

 

 

 

 

MEET SUSAN’S HEROINE

FROM LOWCOUNTRY BOIL

ANGI: Okay, Liz. I was told by a little birdy that you have an on-going obsession with your college sweetheart. Care to share a little more?
LIZ: I declare, I don’t know how these rumors get started. Michael and I are ancient history. He’s married to my cousin Marci. You’ll have to ask him how well that’s worked out. A few gossips from back home like to speculate about why I choose to live in Greenville, four hours away. I assure you, it has nothing whatsoever to do with Michael Devlin.

ANGI: So what about Nate? 

LIZ: Nate? He’s my partner—okay, so he’s also my ex-brother in law, but I don’t hold that against him. He and Scott the Scoundrel are nothing alike. Nate is my best friend.

ANGI: Anyone else in the picture?

LIZ: Not at the moment. I’m focused on my job. Nate and I have worked hard the last few years, and our agency is really taking off. Honestly, I’m too busy to date. My Golden Retriever, Rhett, keeps me company.

ANGI: What’s your favorite song?

LIZ: Anything by Kenny Chesney. But my current favorite is—okay, it’s a tie between I’m Alive (a duet with Dave Matthews) and Seven Days, both from the album, Hemingway’s Whiskey.

ANGI: Do you find time to read and how often?

LIZ: I love to read. When my case load allows, I read every night. I love romances and mysteries. My favorite books are both.

ANGI: What’s the funniest thing RHETT--your shotgun-riding-golden Retriever—has ever done?

LIZ: Well, he’s a constant source of entertainment. But I got the biggest kick out of the time, right before Scott and I separated, when Rhett defended me in an argument by peeing down Scott’s pant leg and all over his Berluti loafers. Rhett was just a puppy. I love that dog.

ANGI: What sound or noise do you love?

LIZ: Ocean waves crashing on the beach.
ANGI: I just spent a week at the beach and know exactly what you mean. I even recorded a sunset to bring home with me.

ANGI: What is your biggest vice?

LIZ: Mamma’s fried chicken and biscuits with gravy.

ANGI’S GOTTA ASK:  What’s your favorite case you’ve ever investigated?

LIZ HAS TO ANSWER:  The most unusual would have to be the time Nate and I were hired to find a trailer missing from a local trailer park. I can’t name names, you understand, but a high-profile client had stashed his mistress in a trailer park. He reasoned it was unlikely he would run into anyone in his social circle there. Also, trailer parks tend to have fewer security cameras than hotels, apartment complexes, or condos. It was a nice trailer park, well kept.

One day his mistress—let’s call her Amber, because it starts with “A”—comes home from her day job and the trailer simply isn’t there. No one saw anything, because everyone else was at work, too. Our client suspected his wife had found him out and had the trailer moved—and likely burned—but he could hardly inquire, and she was behaving normally.

As it turned out, Amber had been previously involved with another gentleman. This genius—let’s call him Genius—had two post-Amber romances in progress. Claimed he loved them all, including Amber, who had broken his heart, et cetera. Bambi (female number two) found out about Candy (female number three). Bambi kicked him out—his primary residence was with her—threw his stuff in the yard and set fire to it. By way of further retaliation, Bambi hid his stash of cocaine. He, in turn, kidnapped her pet yellow-and-white Indian python and was holding it until he got his drugs back.

 

Genius hid the snake in the trailer after Amber left for work. When he and Bambi agreed on terms, he went back to retrieve said snake—I don’t know the snake’s name—but it wasn’t in the laundry bag Genius used for transport.

Apparently, he was afraid the missing python would harm Amber, and rightly so. Genius couldn’t tell Amber the problem, so he had the trailer hauled away to a remote location. Bambi hired two thugs to rough him up and take the trailer apart to rescue her pet.

 
We traced them through the haulers who moved the trailer. Candy, who had paid for Genius’s car, found them via GPS tracking. She roughed up Genius some more. He deserved it. 

The thugs, at our suggestion, put the trailer back together, and Genius had it returned to the trailer park. Unfortunately, Amber declined to reenter the premises knowing a snake had been loose inside. I can’t say I blame her. I purely do not like snakes.

FIND SUSAN (& Liz)

Website   Facebook    Twitter @SusanMBoyer     Pinterest

Skinny Writer    Fiction Addiction

MEET SUSAN on GLIAS    

SUSAN'S GIVE-AWAY:

I’ll give away a copy of LOWCOUNTRY BOIL on Tuesday to one commenter from both days. Comment both days to enter twice. Winner’s choice of format.

Note: Commenters are encouraged to leave a contact email for faster notification. Offer void where prohibited. Prizes will be mailed to North America addresses only unless specifically mentioned in the post. Odds of winning vary due to the number of entrants. Winners of drawings are responsible for checking this site in a timely manner. If prizes are not claimed in a timely manner, the author may not have a prize available. Get Lost In A Story cannot be responsible for an author's failure to mail the listed prize. GLIAS does not automatically pass email addresses to guest authors unless the commenter publicly posts their email address.

Get your signed, personalized copy from Susan’s local independent bookseller, Fiction Addiction.

Don’t forget to FOLLOW us on Twitter #GetLostStories or LIKE us on Facebook to keep up with all our guest authors and their prizes. And DON’T FORGET to come back tomorrow for another of Susan’s Debut interviews. ~Angi   

LIZ HAS A QUESTION FOR READERS!

I get a lot of grief for moving away from my hometown. When I’m honest with myself, I admit I miss it. Do y’all still live where you grew up? If you’ve moved away, do you ever get homesick? 

Spotlight on the RITA® Nominees in Paranormal Romance

Today, the Get Lost in a Story Crew is proud to feature the Romance Writers of America® RITA®Finalists in the Paranormal Romance category. And the nominees are…

Archangel's Blade by Nalini Singh

The severed head marked by a distinctive tattoo on its cheek should have been a Guild case, but dark instincts honed over hundreds of years of life compel the vampire Dmitri to take control. There is something twisted about this death, something that whispers of centuries long past…but Dmitri’s need to discover the truth is nothing to the vicious strength of his response to the hunter assigned to decipher the tattoo.

Savaged in a brutal attack that almost killed her, Honor is nowhere near ready to come face to face with the seductive vampire who is an archangel’s right hand, and who wears his cruelty as boldly as his lethal sensuality…the same vampire who has been her secret obsession since the day she was old enough to understand the inexplicable, violent emotions he aroused in her.

As desire turns into a dangerous compulsion that might destroy them both, it becomes clear the past will not stay buried. Something is hunting…and it will not stop until it brings a blood-soaked nightmare to life once more…

Changeling Moon by Dani Harper

He roams the moonlit wilderness, his every sense and instinct on high alert. Changeling wolf Connor Macleod and his Pack have never feared anything—until the night human Zoey Tyler barely escapes a rogue werewolf’s vicious attack.

As the full moon approaches, Zoey has no idea of the changes that are coming, and only Connor can show her what she is, and help her master the wildness inside. With her initiation into the Pack just days away and a terrifying  predator on the loose, the tentative bonds of trust and tenderness are their only weapons against a force red in tooth, claw…and ultimate evil.

Dragon Bound by Thea Harrison

A Fiery Temper is Not Easily Extinguished

Half-human and half-wyr, Pia Giovanni spent her life keeping a low profile among the wyrkind and avoiding the continuing conflict between them and their Dark Fae enemies. But after being blackmailed into stealing a coin from the hoard of a dragon, Pia finds herself targeted by one of the most powerful–and passionate—of the Elder Races.

As the most feared and respected of the wyrkind, Dragos Cuelebre cannot believe someone had the audacity to steal from him, much less succeed. And when he catches the thief, Dragos spares her life, claiming her as his own to further explore the desire they’ve ignited in one another.

Envy by J.R. Ward

As the son of a serial killer, homicide detective Thomas "Veck" DelVecchio, Jr., grew up in the shadow of evil. Now, on the knife-edge between civic duty and blind retribution, he atones for the sins of his father---while fighting his inner demons. 

Assigned to monitor Veck is Internal Affairs officer Sophia Reilly, whose interest in him is both professional and arousingly personal. And Veck and Sophia have another link: Jim Heron, a mysterious stranger with too many answers...to questions that are deadly. 

When Veck and Sophia are drawn into the ultimate battle between good and evil, their fallen angel savior is the only thing that stands between them and eternal damnation.

Lord of the Abyss by Nalini Singh

Once upon a time…the Blood Sorcerer vanquished the kingdom of Elden. To save their children, the queen scattered them to safety and the king filled them with vengeance. Only a magical timepiece connects the four royal heirs…and time is running out.… 

As the dark Lord who condemns souls to damnation in the Abyss, Micah is nothing but a feared monster wrapped in impenetrable black armor. He has no idea he is the last heir of Elden, its last hope. Only one woman knows—the daughter of his enemy. 

Liliana is nothing like her father, the Blood Sorcerer who'd cursed Micah. She sees past Micah’s armor to the prince inside. A prince whose sinful touch she craves. But first she has to brave his dark, dangerous lair and help him remember. Because they only have till midnight to save Elden.

The Lost by Caridad Piñeiro

Adam Bruno is no ordinary millionaire. The heir to an ancient race possessing a dark, powerful magic, he can shapeshift and create energy. His gifts make him a living weapon and have forced him to live in seclusion. But now an inhuman force hunts down Adam-just when he finds someone who makes him feel more human than he ever imagined possible...

Home from combat in Iraq, Bobbie Carerra wants only peace, yet soon joins Adam in a terrifying battle against paranormal enemies who hide in plain sight. She’s drawn to his strength of mind and body; he’s attracted to her courage and intoxicating energy. Their scorching passion can either transport them to the heights of ecstasy or-if Adam’s powers rage out of control-destroy them. But when an invisible brotherhood tightens its nets and someone Adam trusts betrays him, only a heartrending decision can save them.

Nightfall by Ellen Connor (writing team Ann Aguirre and Carrie Lofty) 

Growing up with an unstable, often absent father who preached about the end of the world, Jenna never thought, in her wildest nightmares, that his predictions would come true. Or that he would have a plan in place to save her–one that includes the strong, stoic man who kidnaps and takes her to a remote cabin in the Pacific Northwest.

The mysterious ex-Marine named Mason owes a life-debt to Jenna’s father. Skilled and steadfast, he’s ready for the Change, but Jenna proves tough to convince. Until the power grid collapses and the mutant dogs attack–vicious things that reek of nature gone wrong.

When five strangers appear, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty packs, Jenna defies her protector and rescues them. As technology fails and the old world falls away, Jenna changes too, forever altered by supernatural forces. To fight for their future, she and Mason must learn to trust their instinctive passion–a flame that will see them through the bitter winter, the endless nights, and the violence of a new Dark Age.

GLIAS interview for Carrie.

The Restorer by Amanda Stevens

Never acknowledge the dead

Never stray far from hallowed ground

Never associate with those who are haunted

Never, ever tempt fate.

My name is Amelia Gray. I'm a cemetery restorer who sees ghosts. In order to protect myself from the parasitic nature of the dead, I've always held fast to the rules passed down from my father. But now a haunted police detective has entered my world and everything is changing, including the rules that have always kept me safe.

It started with the discovery of a young woman's brutalized body in an old Charleston graveyard I've been hired to restore. The clues to the killer--and to his other victims--like in the headstone symbolism that only I can interpret. Devlin needs my help, but his ghosts shadow his every move, feeding off his warmth, sustaining their presence with his energy. To warn him would be to invite them into my life. I’ve vowed to keep my distance, but the pull of his magnetism grows ever stronger even as the symbols lead me closer to the killer and to the gossamer veil that separates this world from the next.

Congratulations to all!

Several of our nominees will be responding to comments today. The following items have been generously donated for a drawing. (Please leave your email address in body of your comment to be entered in the drawing.)

•  an autographed copy of The Dark Age Dawning Trilogy by Ellen Connor (Ann Aguirre and Carrie Lofty)

• an autographed copy of Changeling Moon, by Dani Harper

• a polo shirt for THE CLAIMED (the second book in the Sin Hunters series) and some swag, from Caridad Piñeir

• one copy of each of Nalini Singh's three Rita® nominated books: Archangel's Blade, Lord of the Abyss, and Angels of Darkness (featuring the novella, Angel's Wolf, which is nominated in the Novella category).

JOIN THE RITA® CELEBRATION by leaving a comment for each category between July 11th and 28th (multiple comments = multiple entries with the exception of Romantic Suspense). GLIAS will be drawing for winners on Sunday, July 29th and posting along with all the RITA® winners announced Saturday evening in Anaheim, California. 

Note: Offer void where prohibited. Prizes will be mailed to North America addresses only unless specifically mentioned in the post. If an INTERNATIONAL name is drawn, mailing the book or supplying an electronic version will be the decision of the donator. Odds of winning vary due to the number of entrants. Winners of drawings are responsible for checking this site in a timely manner. If prizes are not claimed in a timely manner, the author may not have a prize available. Get Lost In A Story cannot be responsible for an author's failure to mail the listed prize. GLIAS does not automatically pass email addresses to guest authors unless the commenter publicly posts their email address.

JOIN US tomorrow as RITA® Week continues with the best REGENCY HISTORICAL ROMANCE category. Don’t forget to FOLLOW us on Twitter and LIKE us on Facebook.

The Long and Winding Road

A few years ago, we lived in the old village area of Mt. Pleasant, SC, for eighteen months. Mt. Pleasant is just across the Cooper River from Charleston. Cross the Intracoastal Waterway on Ben Sawyer Bridge and you're on Sullivan's Island. I used to ride my bike across that bridge and down the beach every morning.

I loved living in the lowcountry. It spoke to me. And I probably ate my weight in lowcountry boil, a regional dish of shrimp, sausage, corn, potatoes, and whatever else the cook wants to boil in beer and spices. Moving back to Greenville when Sugar's contract was up was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sidebar: Greenville is awesome in her own right, but this isn't Greenville's story.

One day I was listening to that old Eagles song, "Last Resort," on the radio. The ending of the song is, "They call it paradise. I don't know why. You call someplace paradise, kiss it goodbye." (Don Henley) Anyway, the word "paradise" sent me back to the lowcountry, and a story started percolating in the back corner of my brain.

Several drafts, a few conferences, a critique group, several rounds of "revise and resubmit" with agents that didn't work out, and another pass of edits later, I started querying agents in earnest. After forty-nine queries, and maybe fifteen requests for the full manuscript, I signed with an agent.

But, just as she started submitting, she fell ill and went on medical leave. Thankfully, I had signed with a well-known, reputable agency. They re-assigned me to another agent, and I am convinced that he did his best to sell my manuscript to several New York editors. Most of the rejections I was getting sounded like great reviews until you got to that last sentence that said something like, "Unfortunately I'm just not passionate enough about it to make it a must-have for our list."

And then, someone I knew from a writers' group decided to start her own small press. For many, this would be a risky venture, but I knew things about this lady that maybe everyone didn't--like she was a successful entrepreneur in another business, and had been a freelance editor and cover designer for years.

I called my agent and said, "I really, really want to do this." He offered me the sweetest deal ever--he'd look over the contract just to make sure I was protected, then release this one book from our agreement so I could have my cake and eat it, too.

And I did. LOWCOUNTRY BOIL will be released September 18 from Henery Press. This was the right path for me. Ultimately, I decided to part ways with my agent. Not because he wasn't great, but because we both knew that what I write is not his cup of tea. He had inherited me, and done his best by me. But he was not passionate about my work and that was not his fault. This is a subjective business.

I'm absolutely thrilled to be with Henery Press. It's small enough to be nimble. I signed my contract in late March, and my first book will be released in September. We hope to have the second book in the series out in spring. I have forward momentum, which was necessary for my continued grip on sanity.

Thanks again for the warm welcome to Get Lost in a Story! Please come visit me on the web anytime--I'd love to hear from you!

Website: http://www.susanmboyerbooks.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/susanmboyer
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Susanmboyerbooks
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/susanmboyer/


Be sure to click the website link and sign up for my newsletter to be entered in a drawing for a free e-Book (your choice) or a $15 gift card. I promise you will hear from me only when I have something important to say--like I have a new book coming out.

Enjoy your Sunday!


Susan

Stress Relief

Hey, GLIAS Readers!

I'm so, so excited to join the Get Lost in a Story gang!  Yesterday, Angi was kind enough to tell y'all about my upcoming novel and ask me some fun questions to break the ice and introduce me to y'all. I've been a GLIAS reader for a while myself, so, in a way, I feel like we're old friends.

My mission for today was to tell y'all more about me since I'll be popping in with interviews and so forth going forward. You've probably figured out at least one salient point--I'm a Southern girl. My liberal use of words like y'all and hey, and of course the setting for my novel give me away.

Also, clearly I'm a book lover. You have to be to write them, right? I'm the poster child for getting lost in a story. If I'm not being transported to someone else's world via novel, I'm playing with my imaginary friends and creating my own.

Beyond those two things, I struggled with what to share--how to tell y'all all about me without telling you my life story, which might alternately sedate and dismay you. I settled on telling you how I handle stress. You can tell plenty about a person by her coping mechanisms.

Here's a great way to relax when you're in that moment just before running through the streets of your hometown wearing nothing but your mamma's pearls, a wide-brimmed hat, and argyle socks, with a bullhorn, ranting about the senseless slaughter of artichokes for party dip, or howling that the Christmas trees won't fit in the bathroom.

I am so there--or I was, yesterday. This helped. It will help you, too, when you're on the brink, I promise.

Go into the bathroom. Turn off all the lights and light a few candles. Start your bath, running the water a little warmer than you normally might. Pour in half a bottle of your favorite bubble bath--lavender scented is great for this. Some Lancôme Aroma Calm bath oil is also nice. Throw in a fizz ball. The more products you put in the tub, the better.

Get the champagne bucket and start a bottle chilling by the side of the tub. Now, I have a reputation with certain parties--read, Jim, The Husband--of ALWAYS preferring the most expensive of everything. He swears I can spot the highest priced anything at fifty paces. This is blatant mischaracterization, naturally. But I am particular and can spot quality. I digress.

While I've had pricey French champagne which I enjoyed, Korbel Brut (yes, I know technically it's not Champagne) is my personal favorite. This is an anomaly, as it usually goes for around nine bucks a bottle at Costco.

If you've already had more than two glasses of wine, use Pellegrino instead of Korbel.

Crank up iTunes and make yourself a playlist of twenty songs that appeal. Resist the urge to fret over which songs to pick. Don't sit there and try to make the perfect Bathtub Playlist, and don't choose more than twenty. Remember, your bath water is running.

Transfer the new playlist to your iPod shuffle. The shuffle is best for bathtub use, as it's easily clipped to your bath pillow. If you don't have a bath pillow, roll up a towel and clip the shuffle to it. Lock the bathroom door and climb into the water. Pour yourself a glass of bubbly, pop the earphones in, and turn on the iPod and the jets.

Your bath additives, activated by the jets, will soon make mountains of bubbles, beyond which you cannot see. Close your eyes and sip the icy bubbly. When you start to feel too warm, hold your champagne flute over your face and turn it upside down, dousing your face, neck, and chest. Pour another glass.

Periodically peek at the mountain of bubbles. Just before they spill out into the floor, pull the plug on the tub. When the water level drops enough, turn on the cold water. This will keep the bubbles at a safe level.

Continue alternately sipping the champagne and pouring it on yourself until you feel human again.

After you get out of the tub, blow out the candles and go straight to bed. Sleep until you feel like getting up.

Disclaimer: Please do not try this at home if you cannot do it without drowning, scalding yourself, or experiencing an irreversible past-life regression.

Y'all come see me tomorrow and I'll tell you all about finding a publishing home for my debut novel, LOWCOUNTRY BOIL.

Thanks so much for the warm welcome to Get Lost in a Story! I look forward to getting lost in a great many together. Please come visit me on the web anytime--I'd love to hear from you!

Website: http://www.susanmboyerbooks.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/susanmboyer
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Susanmboyerbooks
Pinterest:   http://pinterest.com/susanmboyer/

Be sure to click the website link and sign up for my newsletter to be entered in a drawing for a free e-Book (your choice) or a $15 gift card. I promise you will hear from me only when I have something important to say--like I have a new book coming out.

Have a great Saturday!

Susan