Author April Fools

Did you know muses love April Fool’s Day? As if authors don’t have enough to contend with, that  claim is true. My Muse certainly does love a good joke, and because I have a lot of writer friends, I know everyone else’s does, too. Why? Because, when they aren’t helping with creativity, every muse that pairs up with an author loves to make its writer look or feel foolish once in a while.

Not every muse chooses April first on which to play pranks—that would make the rest of the year too boring. But, mine happens to have chosen the prankster’s favorite holiday—today—to play a winding and intricate trick this year. And she (I have a smart but very silly female muse who is friends with my very creative but naughty female internal editor) set it up weeks ago!

Thalia, the muse of comedy: my muse's muse!

What’s the dastardly trick, you ask? Let me take you back for one minute to my history of being a great April Fool’s dupe. I might be the easiest person in the world to trick. I never think of the obvious explanation for anything first, and I never remember an old prank so will fall for it multiple times. The best example is that for at least ten years, my son would tape the trigger on my kitchen sink sprayer down and I would turn on the water and get soaked. Every. Year. He even did it a couple of times after he moved out. The sneak.

Fortunately, I’m a pretty good sport. You have to be when you’re a serial dupe. I’ve always wanted to put a chronic fall guy in a book and, so, I included April Fool’s Day in my brand new, soon-to-be-released Sottish Contemporary novel Never and Forever Scotland. I even included a brother who pulled the sink sprayer trick on my hero, and it was darn funny (okay, it was funny to me). Well…the first inkling I should have had that my muse was taking advantage of me being a good sport was when I realized, so sadly, that favored scene didn’t fit into the book. I had to leave it on the cutting room floor.

No worries! April Fool’s Day still played a part. In fact—in a GLIAS exclusive, here is the first line of Never Forever Scotland (an actual thank you, Muse):

“Ewan Portman hated practical jokes.”

Maybe you can see now why that line tickles me! And it sets up our hero Ewan’s receipt of a letter he’s certain is an April Fool’s joke—a letter telling him he’s inheriting a big piece of land in the Scottish Highlands.

Spoiler: it’s not a joke.

My muse dropped her prankster persona while we wrote this story—and we both ended up loving it—adoring it even. But then Ms. Muse picked up her impish mantle again and started leading me toward April Fool’s Day. The first thing I did was pick a release day in mid-March and Muse suggested, “No, wait, the book starts on the first of April—let’s release it on April first!”

Brilliant.

Here are four things that happened: 1) Editing took two weeks longer than anticipated; 2) There were technical issues with the cover; 3) A beta read got postponed; 4) Ms. Muse taped the sprayer down and I got soaked.

Okay, not that last one—but the other three were the writer’s equivalent of getting doused with water, aka, reality. Reality happens to writers.

So it is that Never and Forever Scotland got April Fooled and will not release on April Fool’s Day. Haha—April Fool’s! On a serious note, I just read an article aimed at authors, telling us not to be harsh with ourselves or the world when deadlines, publishing schedules, and writing progress gets changed or thwarted. It’s the world right now—pandemic brain hits authors AND it hits readers. The world is still crazy and not back to normal yet, so we have to continue rolling with the punches. I believe that. We should all be kind to ourselves and others while we get to the end of this stupid time -- and beyond.

BUT! I also believe this: I don’t think my muse has pandemic brain. I think she simply likes messing with me. And in a month—when the book DOES release—I’m gonna get her back!

 Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone! I'd love to know – do you like April Fool’s Day or do you pay it no mind? Have you ever played pranks on anyone? What was your best-ever AFD joke?      

  

 

The Top 10 Best Birthday Presents for a Writer

Today is my birthday and I thought I’d share the top things that would be on my “author’s perfect present wish list.”  I think this list is relatively universal for all writers, and you’ll see that some of them are slightly selfish and some are not. If you know a writer – just keep this list handy. You’ll be able to make his or her day, I promise!

Spoiler: do read all the way down to Number One – because that one is definitely NOT about me; it’s all about you!

#10. A project she loves.

A “real” writer can write about anything, but an inspired writer needs a project she’s fallen in love with. I’m working on three projects I love. The first is a novella called “Missing One Angel” that will be released on November 4, 2019 as part of a cool, romantic suspense box set. I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.

#9. Time

I’m guessing this birthday wish wouldn’t even be limited to writers! Don’t we all want more time? Still, there’s never enough hours in any given day or week to get all the writing projects, marketing, and reader events in and done without pushing up against a deadline. Writer’s totally crave time!

    

#8 The ability to say “no.”

Yeah. Not every writer has this problem—but extroverted ones (like I am) do. We love to help others. We love to participate in every reader event. We love to talk to our readers online. We love to volunteer. Plus—we love our families and we don’t want to say no to anything that might take away time from them (especially if there are grandchildren involved—just sayin’). So—we would love to get a genie in a lamp that would pop out every time we started to say “yes” and help us re-evaluate.

#7 A supportive family

This is so important for a writer and, I have to admit (or maybe brag?) that I have THE most supportive family in the world. My mother reads all my books. My brother—the last guy you’d ever think would read a romance—is literally the first one to finish any new book I publish. And my husband? He tells me all the time how proud he is of me—and there’s nothing better than that. PLUS HE COOKS. Need I say more? So—nobody needs to buy me this present; I already have it!

#6 Great writing partners

We call these amazing people critique partners and beta readers. Our fondest wish is to have a handful of people who will be honest but kind when they read our manuscript and who help it become the very best it can be. I started out my author journey with an amazing critique group and the four of us are all published! We no longer meet, but I still have great beta readers.

#5 Fans who aren’t your mom

It’s great to have family support, but there is still nothing more gratifying than having someone who isn’t related to you at all tell you that your book made them laugh, made them happy or, the most amazing thing of all: tell you that your book made them think about something differently, or got them through a rough time. I would definitely take as many iterations of this present as I could get. (I.e., this is a selfish desire!)

#4 Having your mom be your biggest fan

If you’re lucky enough to be an author whose mom is still alive, then I don’t think there’s anything better than having her tell you that she loves your books. My mom is 90 years old and reads every one of my stories. Then she raves about them. Then she sends them to all her friends! At that point—there is nothing that makes me feel better about myself or my writing. As old as I am, I still melt over my mom’s praise! (So—I already have this present, too!)

#3 A dedicated review team

Every author in the world craves a group of fans who want to read Advanced Reader Copies of her book and then be willing to post reviews. Seriously, this is not just a selfish wish, it’s the Holy Grail of author-dom. Without super fans, books don’t sell. So—again, this is a present that would keep on giving and an author would love!

#2 Nice reviews

This follows number three above, of course. Every author loves a good review, because it validates all the work and love we put into our books. That’s another selfish wish :-D But, no author expects to be able to please every reader every time, so most of us aren’t upset by the odd one- or two-star review. The only thing we really ask? If you can’t finish the book, don’t give it a review. That’s not really fair. A “Did Not Finish” is fine. And, if you finish our book and can only give it a one-star, then go for it. That’s totally fair!

And….the #1 best birthday present for an author?

It’s one she gives! It’s to share presents with her readers.

I truly do love giving things away! So—to celebrate my birthday I have an e-copy of my most recent book “Missing by a Heartbeat” for one commenter. All you have to do is tell me what present you’d love to have on your next birthday.

Join me tomorrow here on GLIAS to hear all about my new novella, the Box Set it will be part of that you can pre-order now, the awesome bonus free books you can get when you do order, and the very special charity you can support as well when you order.  Meanwhile, thanks for stopping by here today celebrate my birthday day!

Jan Schliesman's Bumpy Road to Publication

It's a little more than two weeks until my first book releases and my world is a crazy combination of fun and fear.  Surprised?  Maybe you think that signing a contract and sending your baby out into the world means you'll be dancing through fragrant fields of flowers?  I guess that could be a possibility, but I live in Wichita where we have lots of windy days and not an abundance of fragrant fields.

I also happen to know lots of writers. Self-published, e-published, traditionally published and who write everything from romantic suspense, historical, mysteries, paranormal, inspirational and erotic. Writers who churn out stories like well-oiled machines, writers who struggle to get words on the page and writers who fall somewhere in between.  Not a one of them says this is the easiest job they've ever had.  Most of them have toiled for years, striving to sell while working day jobs that pay the bills.  Juggling kids, husbands and household duties with time on the computer to get words on the page.

When it comes to writing challenges, I'm my own worst enemy.  I've said this before, I have no idea why technology hates me!  I think maybe it's because I fall into that gap of learning specific computer programs for specific jobs and not really having a need to create templates, format headers, renumber pages for contest entries and, gulp, add photos to anything.

As proof of my total incompetence when it comes to techy stuff, I will share an embarrassing story.  I needed a headshot and I happen to have a bossy-as-hell best friend who handed me a shirt and jewelry and hauled me to a local park in Dallas, Texas, for pictures.  I'm thinking a dozen is probably a sufficient number and instead, there were four hundred!

The pictures were saved to a flash drive, which was handed to me with instructions to upload the pictures to my laptop.  I'm a drag and drop kind of person.  If something can't be coaxed into moving to another folder, I convince myself that I probably didn't need it anyway.  These pictures appeared to be cooperating and I was uber-proud of myself for making a file folder and politely dragging the pictures into it.

I'm sitting on one end of my best friend's couch while she occupies the other and she seems to be happy with my progress. Five minutes later she asks, "Are you moving those pictures one by one?"  Her tone insists its a ridiculous idea and I'm sort of torn about my answer.  She quickly takes possession of the computer and then starts laughing hysterically.

FYI: The worst thing you can do to an insecure person who already says they don't have techy skills is laugh at them.

I had actually created a new folder on her flash drive...not on my own computer...and I was merely dragging pictures back onto the flash drive(!)  This is only funny because I would have gotten home to Wichita and tried to open the folder on my computer and there would have been nothing there.  Although this is sad, pathetic and wrong, I'm blaming this on the Microsoft Corporation for selling me a laptop with Windows 8.  Why couldn't they make it easier to use??

Rather than dwell on this minor speed bump, I'd like to celebrate the fact that I shared this story for your entertainment!  And what's a celebration without a giveaway?  I'm going to award a copy of my not-yet-available debut, Protecting His Brother's Bride, to a lucky North American commenter.  Scroll down and click the comment button, include your email, and answer this question:

NAME THE SKILL THAT CHALLENGES YOU THE MOST

ANGI ADDENDUM: The previous account is BASED on a true story. Otherwise... I don't think we'd still be best friends.

I'd also like to add some links for our most humble, Jan "say it with me" She-lease-man. And here's the romantic times review from her debut book.

“First, coffee mogul Dalton Matthews walks in on Kira Kincaid trespassing on his property, and later, Kira’s truck explodes as an intruder comes after her to kill her. Though Dalton is unsure of Kira’s motives, he defends her against the intruder. Kira is on a mission, desperate to clear her name from embezzlement charges, and Dalton joins her, compelled to keep her safe. While searching for evidence, Kira reveals to Dalton that his late brother, Josh, was her husband, and matters only get more complicated as the attraction between them grows. Plenty of action and a few good plot twists are the highlights of this story. The sharp, witty banter between Dalton and Kira, along with their sizzling chemistry, makes this story one entertaining romance.”

~4 STARS Romantic Times Magazine Reviews

~ ~ ~

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Of Motherhood, Tattoos, and Fearless Rebellion

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who has children in her life!  As we all know, motherhood, sisterhood, aunthood, even mentorhood is not something for the faint of heart. Helping to raise children who are self-confident, self-sufficient, and all-around good citizens is the work of those who have spots already waiting for them in heaven.

I have two children. I wanted ten, but someone was definitely watching out for me. Two were plenty, and they were and are the joys of my life. I think my husband and I raised two pretty great kids. We had the normal parental skirmishes, but nothing major.  And I learned plenty from my daughter and son—which brings me to the topic of this blog today.  You might think this will be about all the stick-to-itiveness, dream-building, and  goal-achievement my kids taught me. But, no.

All my children:  Daughter-in-law Jodi, Son Adam, Daughter Jennifer, Son-in-law Matt

This is about how they taught me to rebel. 

It started when I told my kids I would disown them if they ever got tattoos.  This wasn’t a problem for my son—to this day he wouldn’t get a tattoo if you offered him the moon.  My daughter also had no problem with this—until she turned eighteen.  Then, during spring break one year, she became the proud wearer of a tiny-but-permanent leaping dolphin above her ankle.  She obviously won this round because I didn’t disown her (besides, she was eighteen), but maybe I should have, since the next year she came back with a galloping horse on her lower back. A horse with a fiery tail and hooves. It wasn’t tiny.  Worst of all, I started to cave – I told her it was pretty.

Fast forward several years. My son remained true to his convictions. My daughter, on the other hand, taught by her own mother that threats do not always come to pass, started a campaign. When I turned fifty in a few more years, she would get me a tattoo—and it would be that, or no present from her.

Hah! I told her I didn’t need presents. There would be no tattoo.  But the evil seeds were planted.  Over the next year I started considering what little thing I could put on my lower back. A butterfly? A flower? A rainbow? But my hubby is not a big fan of tattoos.  My son couldn’t believe I’d even consider it. My mother was horrified (would she disown me? I didn’t know). My daughter was ecstatic.

Fast forward another two years to birthday number fifty.  Does it surprise you at all that my daughter stuck to her guns? It would be a tattoo or nothing. 

I got a tattoo.   

Why? Because of what I learned from my kids, and that was “follow your own heart.” If I didn’t want a tattoo, then I didn’t have to get one and I didn’t have to care whether my daughter liked it or not.  If I wanted a tattoo—and I’d learned that a sick little part of my brain really did—then I needed to do it without apology. In the end found that I needed to rebel, I wanted to rebel. I wanted to not be a people-pleaser and to do something equivalent to what my daughter did over those two spring breaks.

And in the end? I adored my tattoo. I still do. It’s not tiny either – it’s a horse’s head framed by a horseshoe—stylized and based on my own first horse. Guess what? Nobody disowned me. My husband thinks it’s fine And my mother told me it was pretty.  In a very silly way, it’s the most liberating thing I’ve ever done – and it’s really pretty small when it comes right down to it.

It’s also a wonderful, liberating  thing to remember on the days when my writing comes hard, and I’m convinced what I put down on the paper will disappoint everyone: my agent, my editor, my readers. When I feel that way, I just have to remember what my kids taught me:  go for it. Don’t worry about what others expect—be a little daring. A little rebellious. It will turn out fine, and some people will even tell me it’s pretty!

So, here’s a thanks to my kids for making me a mother. And here’s to all the things motherhood taught me—especially how to—once in a while—be a fearless rebel.

  

And here's my tattoo -- a rare sighting since not many people see it (on my lower back).

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! What about you? What’s the craziest, most fearless thing you’ve ever done?